I watched the presentation, Giving autism parents Strategies to Revive Their Mojo by Debs Aspland
This is Lloyd I AM and you are listening to Takiwatanga, love not cure, exploring autism one strength at a time.
Debs is a mum to three teenagers. Each has special educational needs and disabilities. She is a qualified life coach and a mentor and She is known as the Queen of Mojo Revival.
We live in a world of duality
positive and negative
hot and cold
dark and bright
Our emotion is also part of this duality. We have top emotions and bottom emotions.
You may sometimes call these emotions positive emotions and negative emotions.
Top emotions are positive emotions like being happy, being kind, or being calm while
Bottom emotions are negative emotions like shame, despair, guilt, or anger.
Every day parents face challenges and stress comes in different forms. This could be at work, could be with family, or just with life stress in general.
Debs said, it only takes an email, a phone call, or perhaps a negative comment from your neighbour to ruin this one perfect day. And this one instance can send you straight down to the bottom
It is easier to go from top to bottom than to get back up. You have to have that momentum when you start to go back up again.
When you face being at the bottom, the way you can manage your way back up is by,
- Recognise you are at the bottom
- Keep the KNICKERS away
- Keep your “Move the body” people even closer
- Recognize that you are at the bottom
Socrates once said, one has to know thyself to have self-control and to do what is right in life.
Knowing yourself helps you to stay calm and more focused to allow you to navigate your emotions back on the top.
If you are being judged because you did not respond after someone says hi to you. It is easy to be upset and fall at the bottom of negative emotions. But by knowing yourself that you are not a bad person and only missed to say hi back because you were busy thinking about your problems. You can always counter that judgment to prevent yourself from spiralling down.
2. Keep the KNICKERS away
In Debs’ world, there are certain types of people you should avoid. These people are what she calls the KNICKERS.
K – Know it all
N – Not as bad as
I – Inhalers
C – Commiserators
K – Knocker
E – Embarrassed
R – Reckless
Know it all
These are people who have been there and done that. They will make you feel bad about yourself.
Not as bad as
These are people who compare you to others and will make you feel guilty about it.
These are people who always go to you for help and will drain you. Then, when it’s your turn to ask for help, you could not find them.
These people are empathizers. They will keep on reminding you about how bad your situation is leaving you stuck in the loop and would not move on. This loop may result in self-pity
These are people who always come up with ways to shut down your ideas.
These people are the ones embarrassed for you. They will not make you feel proud of yourself.
These people will suggest something that will only make the situation worse.
If you have something like this in your life, you have to move away from them.
Someone once said the sun is always shining, you just have to remove the clouds…
If you remember Debra Moore from episode 15, Debra said people are not entitled to know everything happening in your life. You don’t have to explain everything to them.
If you have people around you that you can’t avoid, you need to manage them effectively to protect your emotions.
You can handle the feedback you receive from these people by saying, we do not have answers to that right now and we are working on it. Thank you for your concerns. Then move on…
Jim Rohn, mentor to Tony Robbins once said, Stand guard at the door of your mind.
Toxic people will drain you so stand guard and be careful about who you let in. Also, there are some people you just have to break away from. It is not easy but essential to your well-being.
3. Keep your “Move the body” people closer to you
Most of the time, we can not move back up quickly because we worry and focus too much on the toxic people. People who criticize us, people who don’t support us, people who judge us…
What if there is a way to change the gameplay? What will you do?
Instead of putting our focus on the toxic people, why not put our focus and attention on our “Move the body” people. Move the body people is a phrase borrowed from Brene Brown.
Your move body people are your go-to people. These are people who when you call them at 2 am for help, will come rushing knocking at your door. These are people who can tell you bad news and will listen to you. These are people who will celebrate with you when there is good news.
There are4 areas to look at in order to revive your mojo as fast as you.
Social connection is not about spending countless hours on social media… Social connection is about connecting positively with others. It’s about connecting with others to release oxytocin or the cuddle hormone. It’s about helping others or simply just being nice to others…
One way to do this is you can meet a friend for a coffee to catch up or just offload or release your stress
You can also send a big thank you to people who have supported you in your challenging times.
And you can also be grateful for all the things around you by living with an attitude of gratitude.
You can exercise or simply go for a walk. Live in the present moment by experiencing the joy of walking. Enjoy the beauty of the objects around you. Enjoy nature, and again feel the gratitude of being alive.
You can also go for a swim if this is your thing. Or maybe go for a bike ride, dance a little bit… just go and move your body to change your state.
Change your mental focus by doing something that challenges your mind like playing mind games, or solving jigsaw puzzles.
You can also journal how you feel for today.
Journaling helps you bring out all your frustrations and lock them all down in a paper.
You can list all the things that make you happy and go through that list. You will realize it’s not the end of the world.
Do mindful meditations – relax your mind a little bit.
Similar to the mental strategy, of journaling, you can relieve your emotional stress by writing it down.
It is ok for you to feel stressed or bad about the situation. Besides this is just normal for everyone, remember, you are not superman or wonder woman.
Superheroes are fictional characters who do not have kids, they do not have kids on the autism spectrum.
Just be honest with yourself and change your expectations.
Don’t compare yourself with a friend on your Instagram… Their one snap of a perfect picture of their life does not mean they got things together. That one picture is just a snap of their whole day. Like everyone else, they also have problems.
Remember that bringing back your emotions on the top is a process that doesn’t happen overnight.
You have to work on yourself to improve your life including the people you love around you.
So if you want to bring your mojo back, you should,
Recognise you are on the negative side of your emotions. This will help you understand what brought you there. It will then be easier for you to come up with better strategies to swing back up.
Keep the KNICKERS away as much as possible. Guard your mind so toxic people can’t get inside you.
Focus your attention on people who support you. Live in an attitude of gratitude by saying thank you to them.
That’s my take after watching the presentation Giving autism parents Strategies to Revive Their Mojo by Debs Aspland.